Tonight....

Tonight I came across a blog of a family that had recently lost their baby because the mother had Incompetent Cervix. Why did I read it.... I don't know, but I did.

Tonight my heart is aching for a girl i don't even know. Her story brought back way to many memories of my own experience with getting Noah here. Mainly the day that I had my big target ultrasound and they found my cervix so short. The instant they told me my cervix measurement my heart hurt. And the aching just seemed to get worse during the next few days. Which is why thinking about it still brings me to tears. As I sit here watching Noah sleep on the monitor I can't help but think of what a close call I had. On their blog she said that after loosing her little girl she couldn't help but let the what ifs consume her. I often think of so many what ifs for me... (even though I can't compare to her since I have my baby here with me)

-What if I hadn't had a ultra-sound appointment that day... What if it was a week later, heck 2 days later could have led to a disaster.

-What if I didn't know that I was having contractions, they didn't hurt-just a tight feeling. But with a cervix as short as mine was no contractions are safe ones.

-What if I didn't have a sister that had already been through the EXACT same thing. She pretty much paved the way for Noah. Having her already gone through this same thing gave me a lot of information and she was the reason I ended up going into the hospital when I thought I was possibly having contractions.

-What if I didn't have an awesome doctor who didn't even flinch at the idea of putting in a cerclage. He was so sure that he could do it and that it was the right thing to do. I didn't have any doubts that it was the right thing.

-What if I didn't have Chris there to support me. What if I didn't have a husband that knew just what I needed to hear and the right way to comfort me...

-What if my stitch didn't hold like so many that I read about while laying around on bed rest.

-What if I didn't have my mom and family so close to help me and get me through my rough times.

-What if I didn't have amazing friends that brought me meals over and over again. They brought so much support and love through their service.

I know thinking about them is a waste of time... Cause they are just

what ifs. But they still cross my mind. Looking at all of the things that happened in getting Noah here safely I don't know how anybody could say that there wasn't someone up higher than we are looking out for him. I know for a fact that all of these things didn't just "happen to work out that way". They were meant to. And I realize I am truly blessed for it.

Then I start to think, why was I lucky enough to be so blessed. I haven't done anything special. I love the gospel, I love the church. I have a testimony(which grew stronger than I could have ever imagined through all this) but so do so many that loose their loved ones. Like my sister. She is AMAZING. Honestly I would think of her being a stronger/better person than I am. In the church and just in life in general. Yet she had to go through the pain of losing her sweet twins. My niece and my nephew. At this point I have to just stop thinking... Because nobody should

have to bury their own child like my sister did. It was hard enough watching her loose them. Then while laying down on bed rest that was all that filled my mind. The fear of having to bury my own little baby. But God had his plan. Thankfully it was to get Noah here safely. I guess that comes with having a testimony- Having faith that the things that happen, happen for a reason. That it is all gods will.

Where there is faith there is love.

Where there is love there is peace.

Where there is peace there is God.

Where there is God there is no need....

I don't know what really got me going tonight. Hearing of people that have had the same problem as me, and had a totally different out come just makes my heart hurt. No more looking at blogs for me tonight. My mind has already gone a little crazy. Sorry to ramble on... Those are just my thoughts for the night.

6 months

(above: Noah with Bow the Monkey)

Back in January Noah turned 6 months.... Where did time go? Seriously I feel like if I blink this baby is learning something new without me! Noah is such an easy going baby. I am so lucky. I guess with having such a wild pregnancy Heavenly Father knew that I needed something to make me want more kids.. :) I feel so blessed to be home with Noah all day every day. I can't imagine leaving him. I don't think that there is any way to describe how much he means to me but I am sure that other moms can relate. We got Noah's 6 month pictures done by a friend of mine from back in high school(thanks Sierra...). And they turned out so cute. But lets be honest I pretty much think that anything with my Noah in it is pretty darn cute. :)

Noah is so good at sitting by himself. It really is nice to be able to have him sit up and play with toys. Makes me feel like i have time to get some stuff done and not be trying to entertain him for a while. Lets be honest though.... That doesn't happen to often cause playing with him is way more fun than house work :)

It is so fun to watch Noah grow and learn so many new things. He loves peek-a-boo and giggles so hard when you jump up and down with him. He also is very ticklish... I love tickling him. So much more fun when you aren't the one being tickled.

Every once in a while I start to feel a little bitter sweet that time seems to be going to fast. Even though I get so excited about every mile stone and all the new thing that he does, I can't help but start to feel a little bitter sweet at how fast life is flying. I do try to live in the moment and enjoy him now... And surprisingly i feel like I do pretty well at that. I love being a Mom. I always thought of this being my dream job and it being what i wanted to be when "I grow up". And now that it is here I have to say that it is better than I could have ever imagined.

Sorry for my sappy post. This boy certainly has me wrapped around his cute pudgy finger :) I have about 100 posts that I have started and need to be finished... I think I can feel a second wind of blogging coming on for me. Bring on the catching up posts! :)

Mornings... A little pajama man

I am completely a sucker for this little man in his pjs... Who doesn't love a snugly bug in pajamas... I absolutely love waking up in the morning to hearing his silly little self talking and laughing to himself in his bed. I can't think of anything that would make my mornings any better! Every morning after he plays a while in his bed I pick him up and we have a good talk my bed. He tells me all sorts of good stories and pretty much laughs at everything. We laugh and giggle and I get some snuggles before it is time to get ready for the day. I LOVE IT...

Here is a few pictures from a couple of mornings...

This is what Noah now does every time I put him on his stomach... He isn't interested in trying to roll over, he just wants to be superman!

Notice his toes in this picture. He is constantly grabbing his foot with his other foot. I think it is so cute.

Delivery and Noah's first few hours

I got up, not feeling like I had slept a minute. We showered and made sure we had everything packed. Gave Parker some love and off to the hospital we went. We arrived at the hospital at 8. It's a weird feeling walking into the hospital knowing you that you'll be having your baby that day. We walked into labor and delivery and they asked if I was Allyson Johns. How is that for service? They knew it was me :) Guess there weren't too many inductions set up for our same time! Speaking of inductions: I was not planning on being induced. I wanted to get started on my due date, if I made it that long. Well turns out that a lot of people wanted to have their baby on the 14th because the closest date they had to then was the 10th. I couldn't believe it! I would have been alright going a bit past my due date but then we would have most likely have had him when Chris's parents were out of town. So the 10th it was! I wasn't about to complain because I was ready for him to come! My back was really starting to kill!

My large belly: Can you tell how lop sided I am?

8 am: Arrive and check in at hospital - dilated 3/ 90%

9 am: Start on Pitocin- start having contractions 2-3 minutes apart

11 am: A midwife from my doctors office comes in to break my water (weirdest feeling ever! I know it's TMI, but every contraction I could just feel the water gushing out over and over.) - dilated 4/ 95%

12 pm- 2 pm: Contractions start to get really hard. I don't know why but I just kept putting off the epidural. I guess you have to be in enough pain to make it worth having a huge needle shoved in your back :) - dilated 5/ 95%

2:15 pm: Nurse comes in and says that if I don't get the epidural now it will be at least an hour before I can because the anesthesiologist is about to assist on a c-section! I decided to I had better do it right then; I was hurting like crazy!

2:30 - 6 pm: Chris and I just hanging out watching movies and passing time... Enjoying my delicious meals of ice chips, Popsicles, and suckers. Very grateful for epidural! dilated pretty much a cm every hour... 5,6,7,8/ 100%

6:30: I started to feel pain on my right side again! ouch.. Tried switching sides that I was laying on to see if that would help the numbing medicine go back over. Didn't work...

7:00: Anesthesiologist comes back in and gives me a "booster shot". After about 5 minutes we were back in business :) Chris and I just relaxed. I was starting to feel a bit impatient by this point. I just wanted him to be here and be done with all of this. Mostly I think I was just really nervous about pushing and the possibility of him not fitting :)

7:15: Little man's heartbeat started fluctuating with contractions. Nurse didn't seem to alarmed... She had me switch sides I was laying on to see if he was just laying on the cord, and then put me on oxygen. This totally freaked me out! I started to get really anxious to get him out so I knew he was OK. I spent the rest of the time just sitting there watching his heart rate with every contraction. Chris tried to distract me but I couldn't stop watching it!

8:10: Feeling pressure down there. I don't know how cause after that booster shot I pretty much couldn't feel a thing! Nurse comes in to see how I am doing. She says that she will be back to check my progress in about 30 min. I said "OK but i feel like I could push right now". She decided to check me then instead. Turns out I was at a 10 and 100%. She could feel his head pretty far down. So we did a couple of test pushes with my contractions. I did about 3 and she told me to stop, she was going to go call in the Doctor. She told me I was a good pusher, which was exactly what I needed to hear.

8:30-8:45: Pushed with the nurse there. Chris could see his head. The whole time I just couldn't believe that this was me... I was having a baby. Chris was so funny. He was so excited and didn't get grossed out at all. He was so busy looking down there that he kept forgetting to help me hold up my leg.

8:45-8:58: Pushing with Dr. H there. It was so nice to have him there. He came running in when he first got there in his normal clothes because the Anesthesiologist had told him when he came in that the baby was crowning. So he came in and asked how things were going. Looking a little panicked :) He saw that he had time to go change so he did then came back. Everything in the room was so calm and relaxed. Just talking in between contractions and then I would push. Chris asked if he could catch the baby when he came out. Dr. H said that maybe after our 2ND or 3rd he would let him. I don't know how I feel about it even then.

8:59: Our little man made his entrance!

Yes I realize this is a very unattractive picture of me. This was right when they told me I was ready to push!:

When doing that last push I was just watching Chris. The face that Chris had will forever be in my mind. So cute. He was watching "down there" and his head was out. Chris looked amazed. He then looked at me with the sweetest smile and a little teary eyed. We locked eyes and I know it is so corny but it was the sweetest moment. I felt so much love from him and so much love for our little guy. Then before I knew it I did my last push and he was here. My most perfect moment... Right after he came out. I had told them that I wanted skin on skin immediately after birth. So he came out and they put him right on me. Wiped him off a bit, Chris cut the cord, and then snuggle time for mom :) I honestly can't even remember if he was crying much or not. I just remember being handed this perfect baby. I couldn't believe he was here with me. My healthy little miracle. I am sure it is this way for every new mom but this was my dream. While spending endless hours on bed rest this was the moment I had been praying for. For him to come out and to stay there with me. Not whisked away to the NICU, I could hold him and tell him how much i loved him. I got to snuggle him and comfort him.

I held him there with me for probably about 5-10 minutes. Then I told the nurse that she could take him to be weighed and all that stuff. So Chris followed him to the side of the room and snapped some shots while I got stitched up :)

What a cutie.... Check out that double chin :)

After they did all that they needed to I got him back. I got to hold him for a bit and then try to nurse him for a while. My mom came in and took a few pictures.

Happy Family:

Not so happy baby:

Then after an hour or so our families came in and could see him. I still had him snuggled up with me so they probably didn't get to good of a view then. After they left the nurses got me ready to go to the recovery room. They bundled our little guy up and handed him to Chris while I was getting ready.

New Daddy:

Ready to switch rooms!:

Recovery Room:

We got into our postpartum room. First thing I did was get some food and drinks from the nurses. I was so hungry! Then they came in to do his bath. We decided that the grandmas could come in to watch it. Not everyone because those rooms are a little snug without a bunch of people in there anyways. He cried when they sponged off his body, but calmed right down when they swaddled him up and washed his hair. Poor kid... You can really see his cone head in that picture above :(

Clean boy... Getting on a little shirt.:

Getting his footprints done. :

Here I am getting my close look at my clean little boy. His hairs were so cute and fuzzy and I love his perfect little face with rosy cheeks...

Uncle Aaron:

Grandma's:

My mom

I think they like him a bit :)

Chris's Mom

Grandpa's:

My Dad

Chris's Dad:

What a day... What a perfect day... So tired and yet not really caring cause I can't stop looking at this sweet little face. Who can sleep with such a sweetie in the room :)

He's here!

Tomorrow is the day!

How can you possibly put together the feelings you feel the night before you have a baby? Excited, nervous, happy, sad, in shock, worried, love. I have dreamed/planned/thought about this day for what seems like forever. Now it is here... We are scheduled to be at the hospital at 8 am. This little boy is coming out and I still can't seem to grasp that he-yes my very own little boy- will be in our arms tomorrow! I have spent so much time about making it full term with all of the scares bedrest that I haven't really let myself think much about the delivery. Oh well. I guess it is probably for the best not to be dwelling on how scary it is. I wasn't planning on getting induced but things all just worked out best for things to be done this way. Bags are packed, carseat installed, i think we are as ready as you can get. We will keep you updated and I am sure I can probably talk Chris into posting some pictures of our little guy tomorrow. Now off to try and get some sleep... Not sure if that is possible, but we'll try anyways. Out of all days I would like to have strength-tomorrow probably is at the top of that list! Maybe if we can't sleep then we can figure out a name for this little guy :)

The last LARGE BELLY pictures

Since we knew this was going to be our last day to just go do whatever we decided to get out. We woke up had some breakfast... Then decided to go to the daytime movies. We went out to eat at Boccias, went to see a daytime showing of Prince of Persia, went to the mall (and got lots of the "holy cow that girl is going to pop" looks- and had a weird lady start rubbing my belly in Bath and Body works) then headed to Walmart to get a few things. We didn't do anything to exciting. I don't think a 9 month pregnant body is up for much more then that anyways :) But it was a fun day. Fun to spend it together and to know that our little guy will be here in less than 24 hours! So nervous to see how tomorrow goes. As incredible as pregnancy is, my body is tired... My back is pretty sore and I get worn out sooo easily. And I just can't wait to meet our little boy. It will be interesting to see how this little guy can make it out.

These pictures were taken the night before we are getting induced! (july 9th) Yes i realize I am huge... I was doing pretty good with the whole water weight thing till these last couple of weeks and now it seems to be piling on!